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[forceforlight]

[Dick's smile is understanding. He knows exactly what the teen ISN'T saying, after all.]

I may not be Tim levels of intelligent, but I've had all the same training.

[He's a detective still, at the end of the day. Just acknowledges that Tim and Bruce will always be better in that respect. He's no slouch on his own.]

But. More than that. I've been there myself. Not in a while. And not exactly here. But...it's not easy, finding out you're only the first of many.

[It hadn't been easy when it was Jason who took the mantel. The ones after him had been easier, but he'd had more to say about Tim, Stephanie and Damian.]

In some ways, you are starting again. Only this time, there's a bunch of people who know who you will be and don't know how to handle who you are right now as well.

[hackingyoursensors]

I still don't get it. B taking in kids who need someone? That makes sense. But why "Robin"? There's not exactly a lack of other names to choose from.

[ Dick fiddles absently with the edge of his menu. It sounds childish to say "but that's mine!" The name means something to him, though. The place Robin has at Batman's side does too. ]

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[All of which, Dick knows. Because it was the same for him.]

[He starts to open his mouth when the waitress comes over. He asks for a few more minutes for food orders, but does order a coffee for himself and lets the younger Dick order his own drink.]

[Once she steps away, he grimaces.]

Honestly? I think part of it was because we were such a good team. There wasn't any idea of B on his own any more. There was always the 'and Robin' tacked on at the end. And when it's been like that for nearly a decade...

[Assuming his double started around the same time Dick himself had. He might not have. Timelines were weird like that.]

[(He should know. He had vague memories of a few ways he'd come to be Robin. It was mostly the age that changed.)]

Victims of our own success, I guess.

[hackingyoursensors]

[ Dick absently orders orange juice, then forces himself to stop fiddling with the menu.

The answer makes sense on one level, sure, but. ]

What about what they wanted? Taking up Robin would mean being compared to me all the time.

[ Maybe not in the League or the Team, but the public might. Dick likes to think he wouldn't be so insecure to do it too. To see his own shortcomings because of his successors' successes. ]

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[Oh, if only they weren't that insecure. Though Dick tries not to do it with Tim and Damian. He knows he did with Jason.]

[He taps his fingers against the table, considering.]

With Jay, I think it was easier for B. He wasn't looking for a partner at the time, it just kinda fell in his lap. The Robin name and uniform was already there and it was easier to make a new uniform in the same colors. Or maybe use one of my old ones. Jay actually WAS the same size as me for a while.

[It's said with a bit of humor. Because Jason definitely isn't, any more. Not even the younger one.]

I'm afraid I didn't take it as gracefully as I could have. Which was more a detriment to Jay. I don't know that it would have changed anything had I come around earlier, but it might have.

[hackingyoursensors]

[ Dick tries for a smile at the attempt for humor. Jason is unfairly bigger and reminds Dick all the time, though he's just teasing. ]

"Robin" isn't for him to give away. [ He doesn't say it with anger, just understanding. Dick wouldn't mind giving it to someone else, as long as it was his choice. Bruce doing it would hurt.

He looks away for a moment, this time hearing what his other self doesn't say. ]

If Jason blamed you for anything, he wouldn't have taken me in.

[forceforlight]

[It takes a moment to stifle the immediate laughter that bubbled up. Some of it did come out, but Dick's pretty sure he gets it under control fairly quickly.]

He blames me for plenty. A lot of it my fault. He doesn't blame YOU for it, though, which he shouldn't.

[He sits back as the coffee and orange juice arrive. There's even a bowl of water for Haley, which Dick appreciates.]

[He ends up ordering a double cheeseburger and fries. The patrolling always helps with any excess calories. Then he waits before continuing.]

And you're absolutely right. Robin wasn't his to give away. And it made me very angry for a very long time. And Jay ended up getting part of that because of things he couldn't control.

[He's not proud of how he reacted to that. But he hadn't had warning or choice in the matter. Dickie is right in that he'd handle it better if he could be in on the choice.]

[hackingyoursensors]

[ Dick just orders a grilled cheese sandwich and fries. Aside from not sleeping, his appetite has been so-so. Not being able to patrol like normal doesn't help. ]

Jason told me that your relationship is complicated, but I didn't know it was this complicated.

He said that to try to drive me away when we met, by the way. He should've known better.

[ Trying to push Dick away or scare him off never works. It just makes him wonder why and stick around to find out. ]

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You'd think so, but he keeps underestimating us.

[Even after every thing, Dick does try to keep his hand out. In case Jason ever needs it.]

[Which is why Dick leans in, looking the teen in the eyes.]

Don't EVER tell Jay this, but it's one of the ways he's most like B. Our B, at least.

[The things Dickie didn't need to know about right now.]

It's not that there aren't good memories, sometimes thanks to Alfred reaching out to me, sometimes due to me doing the reaching out. But there weren't enough of them and then...

[Dick pauses, then frowns.]

How much do you know about what happened with Jay and the clown?

[hackingyoursensors]

[ Dick listens with a serious expression on his face. When asked about the Joker, he sighs and his expression turns sad. ]

Just that the Joker killed him.

[forceforlight]

[Dick nods, folding his hands.]

I wasn't on planet when it happened. Sometimes I wonder if...things would have been different if I had been. If Jay'd thought he could come to me or the Titans when things went south with B.

Losing Jay...it made things rougher with me and B for a while. But then TJ came to me, wanting me to go back to being Robin because B was losing himself. That he would always need a Robin. And...he wasn't wrong. But by that point, I was established as my new name. I couldn't go back to being Robin. It would be a step back. So I offered it to him. And made a promise to myself that I'd never let what was going on with me and B get between me being a good big brother to him.

[He takes a sip of his coffee. Giving himself a moment.]

I won't say it's always easy. In a lot of ways, TJ has outstripped me. He's a better detective than I am. He's crazy smart. He's not the best fighter out of us, but he can hold his own and he can out think even Ra's al Ghul.

Jay's a better brawler. He's more willing to get out there and get things done physically. He's good at getting information out of people in low places and blending in there.

Steph's nearly as smart as Tim. Great at puzzles. And she's a world class shit talker. She's great at misdirection, getting people to look one way when she gets around their defenses.

And Little D is a little shit. But he's coming into his own.

[Dick leans forward again, hands loose and expression empathetic. Because he's been there himself.]

But you know what none of them are, Dick?

[hackingyoursensors]

[ He listens carefully, just letting it sit for a moment. Maybe things would be different for him. Maybe Bruce would listen, maybe Jason would have backup against the Joker. Dick tries not to ruminate on it. Here and now, he can listen. He can try.

The more the other Dick talks, the more he realizes that the other Dick has seen through him. With a quiet sigh. ]

What's that?

[ There's a tone to his voice: better be really convincing because I'm nowhere near convinced. ]

[forceforlight]

The best Robin.

[Dick raises an eyebrow at that.]

Don't get me wrong. We aren't, either. You and me? We're the first. The standard. The "Golden Boy", as Jay likes to remind me so much. [There's an eye roll, but only because it annoys him to be called that. Even if he knows it's kinda true.] We're the one that the others are going to be compared to, but none of us are the best. We're Robin. All of us get to decide what that means for us.

[hackingyoursensors]

[ Yeah he's not really feeling the pick-me-up pep talk. ]

Hooray, I showed up first. That's not an accomplishment.

[ Silly of him to think he's special at all. ]

[forceforlight]

[Dick huffs out a breath.]

I've had twelve more years to get used to this. Eight since Jay took up the cape. [He grimaces.] I've been Nightwing nearly as long as I was Robin at this point.

[Nobody do the math on that. Except Dick, who already knows.]

It's not that you're not special. It's also not that you're not a fantastic Robin, because you are. But you're not going to be Robin forever. You're going to be more than that.

[He pauses, considering how to phase what he wants to say. Which gives the waitress a chance to deliver their food. And Dick gets to stall another moment by chewing on a fry.]

I know it's weird, though. Finding out you go from being an only child to having so many younger siblings. And an entire new generation of heroes looking up to you.

[hackingyoursensors]

[ Dick does the mental math and concludes the obvious-- his other self is ancient.

He toys with a fry half-heartedly. ]

I'm "going to be" more than that. I'm not, right now. I don't know how I'm supposed to fit into anything. It doesn't help that my "younger siblings" look at me like I'm, I don't know, fragile? Inexperienced?

[forceforlight]

[He only FEELS ancient. Especially next to this younger version of himself.]

[And he wonders if he was ever this insecure. Probably was. But it's different when you're the only one versus a family.]

They know you aren't. They weren't at your age, and they all know I wasn't at your age, either. But that doesn't negate our natural urge to protect the younger ones as best we can. We don't want you to get hurt, even if we logically know you can handle it.

[He picks up one of his own fries.] And we're all about to have an existential crisis about B, I'm certain.

[hackingyoursensors]

[ Dick just sighs and takes a half-hearted bite of his fry. It makes sense, but it doesn't mean he has to like it. Once he finds his footing, maybe he'll appreciate it more. But, right now, he's just frustrated because he doesn't have everything squared away in his mind yet.

But the change of subject makes Dick give his older self a sympathetic look. ]

How are you doing with that?

[forceforlight]

[It's not really a change of subject, honestly. Or not much of one. They are connected in Dick's mind, at least.]

[Dick sighs, reaching for his coffee again.]

It's still weird. For me, part of it is just him being so young. Even if I know that, logically, he wasn't that much older than he is now when we met. But he's so young and awkward in ways I never saw. Either because he consciously kept me from seeing the awkward or because something happened between this age and when we met that made things different.

[hackingyoursensors]

[ Dick takes a bite of his sandwich and chews thoughtfully. ]

It's not as big of a leap for me age-wise, but he's different from what I experienced too. It's like his introversion is cranked up to eleven.

[ He sighs. ] Without Alfred, it's gonna be rough on him.

[forceforlight]

Being without Alfred is going to be rough on all of us.

[And he's pretty sure he's able to keep the twinge of sadness out of his voice and face. Even if he can rightly say that it's just because Alfred isn't here. Without saying that he's not back home, either.]

And you're not wrong about the introversion. I mean, we've always known he was an introvert who could make himself be an extrovert. But I'm not sure he's learned that trick yet.

[hackingyoursensors]

Yeah.

[ The younger Dick doesn't do as good of a job hiding his twinge of sadness. He never thought he'd actually be without Alfred or Bruce. ]

Maybe he hasn't had to. Or something happened that makes it particularly difficult for him.

[ With a small sigh. ] He's even worse at expressing emotion than usual too. It's like he panics if he relaxes too much.

[forceforlight]

[Dick grimaces, shaking his head.]

I'm not sure. Whatever the reason, it's probably a major difference between his world and ours. [Since the younger Dick seemed to be from a world fairly close to his own in some ways, at least.] A B who isn't as much a part of Gotham as his alter ego is unusual enough as it is.

[hackingyoursensors]

And since Bruce Wayne wouldn't have any power or influence here the way he does in Gotham, there's no reason for him to try. [ Dick sighs again as he bites into his sandwich. ]

[forceforlight]

[Dick picks up his burger, taking a bite to give himself a chance to think while he chews.]

He has about eight reasons now, though he doesn't quite see it that way. Which means we're just going to have to gently encourage him into interacting with people. [A pause.] I'd say 'again', but I have no idea if this one ever did much interact with people other than Alfred.